only in America!!!!14:24 Aug 17 2010
Times Read: 765
>
> COURT EXCHANGES
>
>
>
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American
> Courts, and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
> down and now
> published by court reporters that had the torment of
> staying calm while
> these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
>
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you
> forgot?
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
> in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is
> he?
> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid!
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
> Can I get a
> new attorney?
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
> male.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a
> fight.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you go
> to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished..
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
>
> And last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and
> practicing law.
>
>
>
>
>
COMMENTS
-
Sangreas
16:04 Nov 13 2013
That`s a pretty accurate description of Lawnglish(That`s what I call it when lawyers try to speak English)
LadyXblackXRose
16:36 Nov 13 2013
Makes me chuckle every time I see it. Just hope I never become a witness for something cause my mouth might get me into trouble lol